yup....

so.... I'm at college. And honestly, I'm feeling pretty apathetic about the whole thing so far. I've been having too much fun living on my own haha! But classes start tomorrow. The real reason I'm here. To learn and grow. And if I do say so myself, I've been doing a great job so far. Of learning and growing that is :) I have had 3 meals a day, EVERY day, most of which I make myself. And I've learned my way around the campus so that's good. And the libraries. Oh, the libraries. So full of so many wonderful books and MUSIC! There is a whole library just for music! It's all so magical. This whole place is magical. The only thing is my social life. I've discovered that I really like having me time. I mean, it kinda stinks I haven't met that many people so far, but this time to myself is really nice. Being able to do what I want, when I want is REALLY nice.

But it doesn't make me miss home any less. After talking to people from home, either over skype or over the phone, I literally feel like my life is over cause they're not with me. My support. And now that I'm here, I have to find new support. And I have no idea who that can be just yet. I think that's what I'm scared of right now. Not finding support. I also think that's why I like being alone. Because I'm the only person who really knows me thus far. I've gotten closer with people, but not like that kind of close. Does that make sense?

.....I dunno. All I know is, is that I have to try everything. I'm gonna audition for this student directed show, "Sexual Perversity in Chicago" by David Mamet. This is how much of a newbie I am. I've never read Mamet. But see, now I will. Once whoever has it returns it to the library. Now, the likelihood I'll get in this show is slim to none since 60-something apparently are auditioning (according to Facebook), but whatever. I gotta try everything. It's the experience that counts. I mean hell, I'm paying for this college thing, might as well get my money's worth and not waste it. And see, through this audition, I'm reading other plays by other playwrights whose works were suggested for the audition. See. Class hasn't even started yet and I'm already learning.

I'm kinda zonked out right now. It's a mixture between really awake, and very tired. It's only 11:15. Wow. Well I guess I'll make some tea, relax a little. I'm just anxious for tomorrow. I've been anxious for tomorrow for four years now. So I might as well be awake for it!